my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Randomize
