i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
