oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Quick, to the slutcave!
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
