It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
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