She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Randomize
