PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Randomize
