I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
