yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
