im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Do you remember whose house we're in?
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
