Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Of course I have a pirate flag
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
