Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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