my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
