you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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