he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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