I don't usually arrange sex via text message
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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