my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
