i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Randomize
