A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
