In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
