Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I would fuck him just for his dog
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Randomize
