I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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