What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Randomize
