yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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