He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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