my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize