Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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