i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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