I have demons in me.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Randomize
