fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Randomize
