its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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