R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
