i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
