apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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