I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
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