I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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