Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize