Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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