What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
birth control should be required to get into college
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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