the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
