i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
