so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
