i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Randomize
