remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize