Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
