i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize