I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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