People in love make me want to vomit
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
