he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
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