never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
