Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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