you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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