I hate all girls vehemently.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
