He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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