and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
