Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Randomize
