So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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