Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Randomize
