I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Randomize
