Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Randomize
