Your mouth is God's brothel.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
