You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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