Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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