Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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