In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
