An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
