The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Randomize