It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Send help, water and tortillas.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
