My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
