He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
