i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
