Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
