i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
What drink are we having for lunch?
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Randomize
