Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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