I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize