He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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