So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
