Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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