A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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