i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Randomize
