DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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