Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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